Author Archives: Drew

About Drew

I'm a writer and blogger who hopes to one day write novels whose proceeds go to charity. Making a difference in the world through humor and the written word... What's better than that? Follow me on Twitter - @BooksBeerBgfoot to keep up with the latest blogs

The Acadamy Award Before a Man Booker Prize?

I’ll admit that most times in life, the book is way better than then the movie.  But, as I’ve been working through the editing process on my current novel today, along with jotting down a few sentences here and there for two new books (I have at least 14 ideas yet to turn into novels currently so writer’s block definitely isn’t an issue), I’ve been picturing one of my ideas in movie form.  And that thought has really been holding my attention this evening…

Moving away from the Minneapolis area wasn’t easy on me for a number of reasons, but one of them was leaving behind an area that held so many creative people.  When you can go to a cafe and see a sign asking you to add your information if you’ve written part of your novel there, you know you’re living among creative people.   And when it takes you a while to decide on which of the many available theatre performances in which of the theatre districts to attend on a Friday night, and the people you’re out on the town with are actors/actresses themselves, you know you’re in an area that really supports creative endeavors.

One of my upcoming novels will actually be using the idea that there’s a lack of a creative community here in Fayette County (actually playing off some similar structures to Nick Hornby’s  A Long Way Down – though without such a life and death issue about it).  A chance to kind of make a creative tribute to the lack of creative environment I guess…  But for this other idea I’ve been playing with, it frustrates me to be in a position where I don’t have those people out in such numbers.  Because I’d truly love to actually make this idea into a movie.  Maybe someone  working with me to put my ideas into completed script form, a few of us going out with handheld cameras, someone to hold some cheap lights to make it look right, some people willing to be in front of the camera, and someone to work with who knows enough to assist with editing.  That’s not too much to ask for, right?

And actually, there are really only two main characters in my story idea.  And one of them is deceased and would appear in numerous flashbacks (do I have you intrigued yet?).  There would also be a need for a rescue dog, another character who would become a secondary main character as the story goes into Act II and III.  Plus people willing to let us film in their restaurants, stores and other businesses.  And someone who wouldn’t mind their car being damaged a bit for a specific, necessary scene.  See…I’m not just throwing this out as a crazy idea that gets forgotten the next day…  I’ve actually put a little thought into it.

I’ve fleshed out the story and it just seems like something that would work so well in a visual way (and would be so much fun to pursue).  I have to blame some of the idea on Amy Shark since I was listening to her music as I was writing and a couple of her songs pushed my thinking into a whole different direction.  Leave Us Alone especially has the overall feel that the movie would pursue.  Seriously, listen to it if you’re curious.  I think I would need to ask her to use it in the soundtrack when we’re finished.

Sure, this movie would be as independent as an independent film could be, but does that matter?  Life only lasts so long and wouldn’t it be great to do something that so few people ever do?

So if you see me staring at you as I walk through Target, or the grocery store, don’t be insulted.  I’m just trying to see if I could visualize you as lead material, or if you could at least fit as background talent.  And if I seem to be following you through the parking lot, it’s just to see what you’re driving and to find out how attached to it you are.  You know us creative types…

Until the Next Time I See You…

Always comfy in the weirdest spots…

The words come fast, but not as fast as the tears…

The memories pour out – all of the many good times and great times – and pain cruelly attaches itself to each of them as they fly through my head and my heart.  I can’t stop them and, even though each of them come with complete agony, I would never want them to stop.  Because now there are no more new memories that are going to be made.

Because at approximately 11:45am on June 19th, Graham passed away…

I knew absolutely nothing about cats before I adopted that tiny little orange 6-week-old kitten with fur that stuck up in every direction like he’d been rubbing up against a balloon.  As soon as I met him, he climbed up on my shoulder (my right shoulder, the same one he always climbed onto for the rest of his life) as he picked me as his person, and I was the one who was terrified.  I didn’t even know that his foster was expecting me to take him home that day.  I simply thought that I was meeting him to gain enough information to make a decision at a later date.  But, once he’d made his decision, that was it.  I was his, he was mine and it was time to go home.

He was named Punky at the time, but obviously that couldn’t last.  He had the look for that name perhaps, but it wasn’t good enough to do him justice.  On the half hour drive home, as he paced around in a cardboard box set on the passenger seat he howled, the only time I ended up hearing his voice for the first couple of years.  He lived his life interacting with everyone around him simply with looks and gestures that accomplished everything that he needed.  A tilt of his head, a little push on the ankle to guide someone in the right direction, an extended gaze directed toward the top of the refrigerator where his treats were stored, those were all he needed.

When he arrived at his forever home and hopped out of the box, he searched through every inch of the place with complete confidence and I never saw him scared another day in his life.  He only (intentionally) scratched two people in his eleven years.  One was a four-year-old boy who had chased him into a corner behind a couch and proceeded to drop toys onto his head, wanting him to play with them.  The other was a vet technician on the day before he died when she attempted to prepare him for an X-ray.  He was a complete sweetheart, but he had fight, all the way to the end.  And he won everyone over.  Even that little boy who had been scratched let me know a few weeks ago that he was praying for Graham ever since he’d heard that he was sick.  You couldn’t stay mad at that little guy.

He couldn’t stand other cats and chased all of the strays out of the yard without fail.  He seemed so small to me, but he ran the neighborhood and no one stood up to him, cats and dogs alike.  He played with the moles that dug up the mulch, got along with the family of groundhogs that lived down the hill, and caught moths and flies in his mouth, only to spit them back out unharmed to watch them fly away again.  He killed one bird in his life, a moment that completely surprised him.  He launched himself into the air as it flew by and he landed on top of it as they came down, stopping its terrified little heart.  And, after that moment, all of the birds in the area knew him well and harassed him.  Because they feared him.  It was amazing to see the change in him when he went outside and transformed from the great cuddler into the great hunter.  Though, in his last days, he preferred to sleep in the mulch between the bushes and simply listen to the breeze.

Beside me as I type this now, I have a box containing 3 plaster cast footprints that were made after his death, and a lock of his fur – containing both the orange and the white.  And I hold the memory of holding his little body as he took his last breath, tears and snot dripping down onto the top of his head as I kissed him and told him that I loved him one more time.  I knew nothing about cats when I met him, but he taught me.  And so much more.

Below is a link to a video I took just a couple of days before he died.  When he wandered around outside, he liked to stop in the gravel lane and gesture for me to come over and give him a belly rub.  This time, there was a bird yelling at him and, in this video he tells that bird that he doesn’t have time to mess with him because he’s too busy enjoying the moment.  I’ve probably watched it a hundred times since he died, because I think it sums Graham up so well.  His loving nature, his toughness, and his desire for great quality time with the human he picked to be his companion throughout his life.

Goodbye Graham.  I’ll always miss you and I’m looking forward to getting that big Grahamie welcome home hug the next time I see you…

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2 Nights in the Cage

Graham waking up in Lockdown

I’ve been sitting on this blog for a few months because it’s been an incredibly tough one to write.  But this past week has been Graham’s 11th birthday week (we don’t know for sure on which day he was born so we might as well celebrate it for the whole week, right?) so it seemed like the right time to try and push through it all to tell the tale…

It started back in March.  What started out as nothing more than a routine vet visit (with the expectations of a couple of basic – yet annoying to the patient – shots) led to a very rushed, immediate trip to an emergency veterinary clinic an hour’s drive away from here and – eventually – a diagnosis of congestive heart failure.  A completely heartbreaking moment.

I stayed out in the waiting room for hours as they worked with Graham, wondering what was going on behind closed doors, waiting for the final diagnosis for his little 12 pound body, and unsure if it just might be my final night with him.  Ten and a half years can seem like a long time when it comes to certain things.  But that time completely flies by when it comes to the most important things, like life and love…

Finally, I had the chance to speak to the specialist (with a major headache throbbing as I tried desperately to keep from crying – and completely failing in that regard since I could barely even see the vet through the tears in my eyes).  Fortunately, they were able to drain fluid that had built up in his chest surrounding his heart and lungs, give the little boy oxygen, and prescribe him medicines to temporarily address the issue.  But unfortunately, everything involved forced me to drive away and leave him in the back room of their office for two whole nights as he was pumped full of oxygen.

Over the next couple of days, while he served his time in a cage surrounded by loud, loudly complaining dogs, I tried to visit as often as I could (or as often as they would let me as all of the different receptionists came to recognize me). Occasionally, the office would text me updates and send me pictures to let me know how he was doing.  And it didn’t take him long to show his personality and attitude as he made it clear he was more than ready to come back home.

At one point I was told that Graham had hidden under the blanket, back in a dark corner of his cage, causing one of the staff to wonder if he was actually in there.  And, when she opened the cage, he tried to dash out.  Then, on one of my visits, when they finally allowed him to be taken out of the cage and brought out into one of the visitation rooms, I heard the vet comment in a playful voice just as the door was opened, “now don’t you swat at me”.  And I couldn’t help but laugh (for the first time in days), as I knew he was feeling better.

Since coming home, Graham has had his good days and bad days.  He’s been on multiple medicines – some that he doesn’t really mind, some that he doesn’t like, and one that obviously tastes absolutely horrible.  But even while he hasn’t always felt well, he’s purring 90% of the time when he’s awake.  And he still makes it clear to the robins, the blue jays, the blackbirds, and even the occasional dog, that he’s the boss of the neighborhood and nothing is going to change that.  We even had a snake – a nasty Coulber constrictor that was at least 5 feet long –  pass through the yard (coming directly to the door) and, as I tried to get it away while it lunged at me and bit the air close to me, Graham tried to get in front of me to take care of it himself.  And I had to make it clear to him that it was up to me to protect him, not the other way around.

So, while it’s been hard to type about his medical situation, and when I know that there’s a huge decision to be made very soon, he’s been living his life as full as he can, strong, happy and fearless.  And I’m holding onto all of the memories that have been, and are still being made.  Because even though that rainbow bridge will have new paws walking across it soon, and the pain will be excruciating, I’ve been blessed.  And when you get a blessing like that and it lasts for more than eleven years, the smiles will always exceed the tears…

 

 

The Messy Writing Process

Ernest Hemmingway’s messy desk

Writing is messy work.  At least it is for me.

As someone who has suffered the occasional addictions to The Food Network on those random lazy Saturday mornings, I relate it to being a chef who just can’t keep his workstation clean.  No matter what I’m working on, I have a tendency to bounce back and forth between typing it out on the laptop, and scribbling out barely legible words on the printed page. There are a number of binders spread across the desk containing hundreds of printed pages as well. And hopefully some extra ink cartridges buried in the mess somewhere. They’re always needed…

It’s like having every spice from the cabinet sitting out on the counter. Piles of vegetable peelings still on the cutting board. Dirty knives, measuring cups and measuring spoons still within reach rather than in the sink (or in the  dishwasher). It’s not the best setup, I’ll admit it. But it’s worked.

It’s actually a lot like my last trip to the grocery store.  I went to the closest one in the area as I only needed one item – garbage bags.  This weirdly unique store is huge, well-stocked, and completely matching the way I see everything in Fayette County – random in where absolutely everything is located.

I found their Christmas items.  I found paper plates and plastic silverware (7 aisles apart from each other).  I found lawnmower oil and canned vegetables- right next to each other. And I found hot dogs and rat poison so close together it made me think…  And, after twenty minutes, I’d found almost everything they had to offer before finally – completely by absolute luck – stumbling across the garbage bags, located directly in between the circus peanuts (they really still make those?) and the mustard.  Seriously?  I don’t think it could have been more random.  Though, when I took them to the register and had to wait for a confused employee to ring up romaine lettuce for the person in front of me, and she couldn’t find it in the system because she was trying to spell ‘romaine’ without an ‘R’, I thought I was simply being punked.

However…it made me think about some of my own processes and somewhat disorganized ways. And as certain situations have given me even more motivation to write lately, I’ve decided to take up a new approach. Writing software.

Has anyone out there used Scrivener?  That’s my new challenge. It seems like a great program, and it seems like there’s lots to do with it, but guess what… I always seem to skip reading the instructions.  It’s cool that I can add pictures to remind me what places and characters look like, and that there are places for all of my research and notes.  I just need to get used to it.

I have a number of characters to add in for my next novel, so it’s a good time to really start using it.  I was going to have a character who works part-time as a Walmart cashier.  But I may have to move her to the local supermarket. Even if that would mean I’d have to go in there often to do research.  And to see how they spell things like romaine…

Changes

One More Climb On The Old Car

It’s been a fairly quiet time in Fayette County lately.  A hot summer has lead into a nice, cool fall and now the leaves up in the mountains are just starting to turn all of their colors. The plants around the house are starting to slow down their growth, and maybe, just maybe, I’ve mowed the lawn for the last time this season.

And, in that season of change that fall is, I’ve made a big change myself, trading in my 13-year-old vehicle for something new. Okay, so maybe it was a bit less of a choice than necessity since it was technically illegal to be driving it over the past year or so (silly state inspection laws). But it was just time. And, because I have a major tendency to anthropomorphize things, it was way harder than I expected it to be.

The vehicle that I traded in was a great vehicle, a small SUV that had taken care of me for years and racked up plenty of miles without incident. And, as I took the last few items out of the dash, patted it on the hood and said thank you (don’t judge me) I couldn’t help but think through all of those moments in life that it took me through…

There was the first long trip we took together when it was a brand new car, less than a week old, driving up to MN, moving there for a job I wasn’t sure about, wondering if I was making a huge mistake.

There was the time I drove back home to MN from KY after seeing my grandmother for the last time before she died. 13 hours of driving, through the night and into the morning, fighting to stay awake with the memory of my grandmother wanting to kick me out of the house, not recognizing me and believing that I was her physical therapist that hadn’t visited for over two years.

There was the time I drove Graham home after meeting him for the first time at a St. Paul area PetSmart. Him howling almost constantly for the entire 20 miles from the inside of a cardboard box, the only time I’ve ever seen him scared in over ten years of life. And all through the drive, he never knew that I was more scared than him. Heck, I’d never been able to keep a houseplant alive. How was I going to take care of this little 6 ounce life that now relied on me for everything?

The times I drove through blizzards in the attempt to get safely home, the times I traveled for work, parking it in a hotel parking lot for weeks, or leaving it at the airport, inches of snow accumulating over it by the time I returned.

The people it carried in the passenger seat to restaurants, the theatre, sporting events, bars, festivals, mountains, beaches, and everyplace in between. The notes that were left under the windshield when conversations were too hard to have in person. The fender bender caused by a night without sleep. The license plates from three different states. The time I slept through the night in the passenger seat.

The luggage it carried in the back for trips to see family, romantic weekends, weddings, funerals. The drives to and from hospitals. The time I actually got away from the police in Illinois (completely by accident) by driving down a strange alley after going the wrong way on a one way street looking for a restaurant.

Trips to vets, trips to hardware stores, bags of mulch, bags of goodwill clothes. Slow, relaxing trips, and events of road rage (mostly mine). The week I worked as a rural postal carrier but quit because I couldn’t bring myself to put that car through the abuse.

Driving dates, driving family, driving coworkers, driving friends. Seeing all kinds of state limit signs through that windshield. The windshield now chipped from a couple of rocks kicked up from the road and now facing the wall of a dealership.

So yeah, I felt a little misty eyed as I walked away. My writers mind holds on to every memory. So those are all still with me, and always will be.  But fall is a time of change.

And, as I drove away, I wondered what name my new car would earn, what the years would hold with this one, and just what roads we will go down together…

 

The Crowd Funding Thing – Part II

 

 

Its been a while since I talked about working with crowd funding to self-publish my first novel.  The passion for doing it is still there, and I’ve heard from many people encouraging me to do it, but things have just been pretty crazy lately.  And, if I’m going to do it, I want to put in the time and energy to do it right.  Especially if I’m going to have proceeds go to charity.  After all, I want to raise as much as possible and, to do that, I have to do it just right…

So yes, my excuse at this point is that things have been crazy.  Like this…

I’m starting a new job in a couple weeks (gotta work until the writing gig becomes the full-time thing, right?), I’ve started building a site for another blog (though, while I love the look I’ve put together for it so far, I’m not impressed with the functionality and think I might be better off starting over with it), I’m looking into starting a part-time copy-writing business here in the area, I’m needing to prepare for an upcoming audition with America’s Got Talent (seriously), and then I need to study for the Law School Admission Test (LSAT) that I’ll be taking in a few months.  Not that I’d necessarily want to be a full-time attorney someday, but I think it could come in handy to have the credentials someday and be able to help people and organizations that really need it.

I’ve also been communicating with agents regarding my other novel and, when you’re told that an agent loved your query letter and the 1st chapter and really want to see more, you don’t put that off.  And, on top of all of that, Graham has started eating a new food/treat that he absolutely loves.  So I’m dealing with a cat who’s starting to act like a complete addict and is asking (begging, pleading, threatening?) for more every half hour.  See…things really are a bit crazy these days.  I wasn’t exaggerating…  Sure, most all of it is self-inflicted, but it’s not like I’m complaining.

I’m also working with a new writing program on my laptop to put my novels together – something that should allow me to self-publish a lot easier – and I’m not the most computer literate person.  Or…maybe to put it in a more accurate way, I’m not the type of person who cares to read the instructions.  I’m more of a “try it out and see what happens” kind of person, and that doesn’t always work out the best when it comes to computer programs.  Not that I’ve started reading any of the instructions yet, even as I understand my issues and work with it and find myself struggling.  But I’ll probably reach that point before long (as each of the chapters look massively different and are located in different folders I didn’t really mean to create and don’t know how to delete.  Doesn’t that sound like fun stuff?

So, what I’m trying to say is this…  I’m still planning to do the self-publishing thing.  It’s just going to take a bit longer than I originally thought.  I think there’s more of an opportunity to raise money for charity through the self-publishing approach, so it’s still the plan.  I just need to make the time and get on it.

So thank you for all of the interest in that crazy idea of helping people through crowd funding and self-publishing.  I just need to make sure that I’m not stalling too much and letting too many other things get in the way.  So don’t stop kicking me in the tookis to make sure I’m on it!

 

Like Going to Walmart in the Rain

I heard from someone the other day about travel writing.  And they said that most travel writers begin by writing about their home area as people who live elsewhere would want to get away and vacation there. My response to that?  Yeah, right.  But I’m nothing if not open-minded…

Now I’m not trying to rip on this area (after all, I have a number of readers from this area and I’d like to stay on their good side).  But, vacationing in Fayette County seems to me about as wise as going on a nice shopping trip and choosing to go to Walmart to find your shiny new cocktail dress.  There are better options.

Sure, we have a 5-Star resort you can find if you head up into the mountains a little ways. But most vacations lie somewhere in the middle between having lunch prepared by a Michelin-star winning chef and picking up a hotdog at Sam’s Club.  Sure, we’re closer to the hot dog end of that comparison, but we do have many of the things that you’re looking for in a vacation destiny.

For example, when you travel, you want to meet people from different cultures…

You want to find entertainment options that you don’t see at home…

You want to experience celebrations you haven’t experienced before…

I know I pick on Walmart and Fayette County a lot, but it’s just that I see so much in common.  It’s like every time I drive from one area to another, it’s like I’m living in a Walmart and simply moving from aisle to aisle.

When I’m outside and hear gunfire, it’s the sporting goods section.  When I pass through a bad neighborhood and wonder which household is currently cooking meth, it’s the pharmacy.  And of course, when I have to pay my local taxes, it’s the registers (two lanes open, forty carts waiting).

But Walmart makes approximately $36 million in sales every hour.  So obviously people like it.  And if that’s the case, I can sell this area to road weary travelers as an excellent vacation spot.  I mean, how hard could that be?  We already have everything they’re looking for, even if they don’t know it yet…

Who is Rich?

As a blogger who reviews novels when I’m not commenting on the craziness of Fayette County and random Walmart visits, I’ve received a large number of books through Goodreads to review.  A seriously large number.  I now need at least two more bookshelves as the man cave is full of stacks and stacks that are threatening to topple over.  And, I hate to admit it, but there are even a few boxes of books out in the garage where my car should be.  I love it, but it is getting a little out of control…

Out of all of the books I’ve received, some are okay, some are slightly below average, some are pretty good and some are downright awful.  But, occasionally, I’ll receive one that truly, thoroughly impresses me.  And it’s a great feeling to find a new author who’s every other work you then feel the need to check out.  And Matthew Klam’s Who is Rich? Is one of those novels.

Here’s what it’s about:

Every summer, a once-sort-of-famous cartoonist named Rich Fischer leaves his wife and two kids behind to teach a class at a weeklong arts conference in a charming New England beachside town. It’s a place where, every year, students—nature poets and driftwood sculptors, widowed seniors, teenagers away from home for the first time—show up to study with an esteemed faculty made up of prizewinning playwrights, actors, and historians; drunkards and perverts; members of the cultural elite; unknown nobodies, midlist somebodies, and legitimate stars—a place where drum circles happen on the beach at midnight, clothing optional.

One of the attendees is a forty-one-year-old painting student named Amy O’Donnell. Amy is a mother of three, unhappily married to a brutish Wall Street titan who runs a multibillion-dollar investment fund and commutes to work via helicopter. Rich and Amy met at the conference a year ago, shared a moment of passion, then spent the winter exchanging inappropriate texts and emails and counting the days until they could see each other again. Now they’re back.

Klam writes about marriage and parenthood through the lens of a character who is going through so much more than a midlife crisis.  It’s about the struggles of an artist who’s lost faith in himself and his creative ability, but it’s still more than that.  It’s about the struggles of a man, trying to find his way through all of life’s challenges, personal, financial, romantic, and intellectual.  And, in a book that deals with so many issues, Klam fills it with amazing humor.  Sometimes watching someone else continually stumble and fall can really put a smile on your face and make you feel better about yourself…

The breakdown of such a flawed character in an environment shared with so many other flawed characters allows you the reader to take a wild ride that’s worth the lack of sleep as you continue to read “just one more chapter” to see what happens next.  This is a book that will leave you satisfied, happy, and completely enjoying how a talented writer can tell a story and create characters you truly care about.

Who is Rich? just came out July 4th, and…now that Amazon is advertising through my site, it’s a perfect time to buy an excellent book like this, right?  So click on the link above and go support an excellent writer and lose yourself in an excellent story…  Or to purchase anything else you think you might need.  Is that a shameless enough advertising plug? 😀

Jury Duty

First of all, let me just say this – I wanted to do it.  Sure, it’s not like it was on my bucket list, but I made no effort to get out of it when I received the notice in the mail.  So no comments about me not being intelligent enough to get out of jury duty, okay?

I was curious.  That’s what it was.  I wondered what it would be like and I figured that if I ever wrote a character who had to deal with jury duty, I’d better get my details right.  So…there I was, waiting in the gentle rain outside the courthouse while they slowly passed everyone through the metal detector wondering just what I had gotten myself into.  Then, I found my way to Courtroom #1, had a seat, and found out exactly what I’d gotten myself into…

Forget scaring kids straight by showing them a jail, show them a room of potential jurors.  Once they see how their fate could be placed in the hands of a group of these people, they’ll be helping elderly women across the street and attending church on a regular basis, just to cover their tookis.

Camoflauge shorts and flip flops, a ‘Slayer’ t-shirt, skin-tight shorts, an NRA t-shirt, more flip flops, beer logo baseball caps, jeans with more holes than material, pajama bottoms, leopard print everything…  I could go on, but I’m sure you get the idea.  It looked like a Wal-Mart in there.  Yeah, I didn’t exactly wear a suit myself,  but I think I came across a bit less scary to the defendants there behind the tables.

Throughout the next two days, I was called into a few of the other courtrooms, given information on cases, “introduced” to the attorneys and defendants, asked incredibly  simple questions, and forced to wait as the attorneys scratched their way through the list of prospective juror names.  And…each time, my name was one of the ones crossed off the list.  I won’t tell you my secret, but let’s just say that I wasn’t surprised at all each time I was dismissed with a “thank you for your service, you’re free to go”.

The only drawback to escaping from service was that there wasn’t a juror room in that entire building.  And, because every courtroom was active through both days (is that bad?  Too much crime in the area?) there was no place for us to sit and wait for the day’s next opportunity.  So, those of us who weren’t selected simply sat in the hallways watching officers walk orange-suited prisoners from room to room, listening to attorneys on break complain about their days together, and playing on our cell phones.  It was the justice system hard at work.

After running my phone’s battery down for two straight days searching the Internet, emailing everyone I knew and playing solitaire, I was finally, officially dismissed.  And I thought back through my days of service and realized that I hadn’t done or learned a thing.  But I know that if one of the characters in my novels misbehaves and isn’t working well with me, I just may send him or her off to jury duty.  Let them be warned.

But it wasn’t all bad.  Eventually, arriving in the mail was a check from the county to reimburse me for all of my time and service.  And, when I stopped to figure it out, I realized that I’d made a whopping $1.29/hour for my time.  Wow.  If I’m called for jury duty again, everyone’s guilty!

Sunshine and Memories

It seems like I come up with my best writing ideas when I’m busy doing something else.  So then, unless I have something to write a few notes on, I have to try to keep those ideas from falling out of my head until I’m finished with what I’m doing.  Today it was yardwork…

It was a hot, cloudless day today so, after spending a few hours out there, I’m not sure if I’m going to be looking tanned tomorrow, or simply burnt.  But everything looks better out there than it did this morning and that makes the sacrifice of looking a bit lobsterish okay, right?

I wore long shorts so I’m not going to have an all-over tan (there were far too many people driving past on their way to who knows where in the greater Uniontown area). But that thought reminded me of the time I accidently volunteered to help someone stain a deck.  And I say “accidently” because I did tell her that I was willing to help, but I didn’t have the right clothes with me at the time so I didn’t think that I’d have to follow through on it.  But…….

I was given a pair of incredibly short women’s shorts to wear.  Seriously short.  And tight.  But, never one to back down from a challenge – or from potential humiliation – I changed into them and started to stain a deck in an outfit that would have me considered underdressed for working at Hooters.  Fortunately, it was the back deck.  With very few witnesses…

Today wasn’t anywhere near so crazy but, in between mowing and trimming and weeding (all of that fun outdoor stuff), Graham wanted to go out.  And, for some reason, he’s been in an absolute mood this week.  I looked away for a minute and he almost took down a crow.  That bird was flying sideways to get away after he swatted a wing.

Then, just when I think he’s safely napping in the shade under the car, I see the brown blur of a cat tearing across the yard with the orange blur of Graham chasing right behind.  Have I mentioned he’s territorial?  Enough so that he punched a 60 pound dog in the nose just for taking one step off the road and onto our yard.  And then he just stared him down, daring that dog to make a move.  But then he just came back looking so proud that you had to be impressed.

But then, for some odd reason, I trusted him out in the yard yet again, thinking that 90 degree temperatures would calm him out.  Yeah…I learn all my lessons the yard way…

This time, after running branches and weeds down the hill and discovering that he was no longer anywhere to be seen, I took a break to search him out.  And, fortunately I picked the right direction to look and found him at just the right time…

As I peeked into the neighbor’s yard, I was just in time to see him leap out of the bushes, scaring a half dozen birds who took off into the air, screaming at him as they escaped.  And Graham had a look of pure joy on his face.  Then, seeing me there in his moment of glory, he ran up to me and quickly climbed up me, all 13 pounds of fur and claws.  And I was incredibly glad to be wearing a long pair of shorts in that moment.

Sure, my short-short ensemble may have given me a great tan over 95% of my body back then, but today at least I’m majority claw scar free…